Why I'm Done Reading Stupid Lists on the Internet

I felt like I had to write this for a lot of reasons.  I LOVE reading blogs and am super prone to click-bate via facebook or instagram.  I have probably clicked on and read through every “25 things to do before you turn 30,” “10 ways to live a better life,” or “21 secrets to a happier life,” listicle that has ever been posted to the internet ever.  I’m sure you’re all familiar with them.  They all tout similar mantras like “spend all your money on traveling,” “don’t settle down young,” “collect moments not things,”  or even “always eat breakfast,” etc.  I don’t inherently disagree with any of them, but I never read these things feeling empowered or fulfilled. Usually I feel like shit about myself and wonder why I don’t live a yoga-filled life full of trips to Asia and dances in the rain at midnight.  They’re like pornography in the sense that they end up leaving me unfilfilled and with unrealistic expectations of my life instead of the other way around.  

There is nothing wrong with giving life advice, especially when it’s been solicited.  However, I know so many different unique and amazing men and women with ordinary and unordinary lives who don’t need or benefit from one-size-fits-all life advice that makes them feel like they don’t have enough, aren’t doing enough, aren’t experiencing enough, or just in general aren’t enough.

So here is my take on some of the most common cliches I read on the ever-so popular internet listicle.  For good measure, in the form of a listicle.

1.Never settle down young. Okay. I get it, guys, and maybe I’m just biased because I got married young. But by all means, please just follow your own hearts.  If your heart wants to date around and get your heart broken a few times, please live that life.  If your heart wants to stay single before you achieve your goals, you go girl!  And if your heart meets someone that you absolutely can’t live without and you want to lay that all on the line for them, please don’t let that slip away either.  Settling down young does not mean giving up on your goals or changing your plans.  I’m pretty sure that’s not a healthy relationship, anyway.

2. Travel while you’re still young. This one is on EVERY list. And more than anything do I get this...but you can be just as fulfilled or successful if you spend your youth on anything else that makes you happy.  Maybe you went right from undergrad to law school or right into your dream career and that kept you pretty tied up for all of your 20s and you were loving your life and finding fulfillment in that way. Or maybe you were raising beautiful children and doing the good work of mother (or father) hood and never even got so far as Canada until your retirement. Or maybe you did travel the globe or spend every summer volunteering abroad.  That’s so truly amazing and wonderful, but only if you found real and lasting joy in that and didn’t do what you thought you were supposed to be doing to be a perfect 20-something.  

3. “Treat your body like a temple/eat clean/ OR indulge.” I put these all together because although they are seemingly opposite, I always end up reading one variation of either one of these.  For every article telling you to eat all organic/whole/raw/etc there is another telling you to never deprive yourself of that last slice of cake.  Listen to your own body. Indulge when you want to indulge and do what makes you feel healthy and happy. Don’t deprive yourself. Definitely don’t take diet/exercise advice from anyone who isn’t a professional and certainly not from random internet blogs.

4. Don’t move in with your significant other before you get married/ Spend at least ______ months living with your significant other before you get married. Again, please just do whatever feels right and comfortable.  Financially, emotionally, religiously,spiritually...this is a personal decision.  There is no right or wrong way to enter into a marriage.  Marriage is scary, no matter how long you’ve lived together or dated.  

5. Don’t settle for a job you don't love. Ok.  Or work a job that pays your bills. Or, if you have the financial means to do so, quit that job you hate and pursue your dream job.  That’s totally fine too, if that’s feasible and what your heart is calling you to do.  Noticing a pattern?  There is no right or wrong way to live a life.

6. Move far away from home. Again, if that's where life takes you I guess. I did, but only because I broke rule #1. Maybe you move an hour from home or to the opposite coast...maybe you stay in your home town and have Sunday dinner with your entire extended family every. single. week. The problem is when you feel trapped in your hometown or give up on leaving, not when you truly make the decision to stay.

7. Get lost in the wilderness/do yoga/insert any other hobby here. This one really just makes me laugh. Nature is important, yoga is great, but I definitely don't condone getting involved in any hobby you don't actually enjoy just for the sake of doing it. I tried to pretend to enjoy pilates for a long time just because I thought it made me look more wholesome/wise/healthy/whatever but really I just hated it. If everyone is preaching that life is short, then don't do things just for those reasons.

Anyway, there are obviously a lot more things you see floating around the internet on these lists, but these were just a few I found the most prevalent and also contradictory to common sense and real life.

Obviously, I'm in my 20s and young and have 654786789543768395 more things to learn. However, one of the only things I can say that I've learned with upmost confidence at this point in my life though, is that doing what works for you is always going to be better for you than trying to fit the mold of the perfect, adventurous, ambitious, fit, and wise human being you read about on the internet.

If you need help deciding which path to take, do some soul searching and talk to the actual human beings in your real life who love you. I promise they'll give you better guidance than some random perfect blogger with the beach house who can hold a 10 minute plank and meditates 60 minutes every morning.